Monday, January 16, 2012

Today and pajama days

Had the best (productive) day today! Bleached half of my house (second deep cleaning this week), vacuumed and mopped all my floors (also second time this week), finished my laundry, played legos with my kids, babysat an adorable set of twins, took all 4 kids to Leo's (where we had pizza, they played hard on the toys, and then we played games... :) Got a new windshield, worked on cash's letters, made dinner for my family (for the hubby when he got home from work), made rice crispy treats and my kids helped (they are learning how to cook! YAY!), and tonight I went to Zumba!

If every day were like today, as productive as today, my life would be perfect. :)

I love being a mom so much. This is what my life is supposed to be, taking care of important things for my family, while being around to hear my kids say "Mom, you're the best mom." (Cash) or "I love this mom." (Pres) My kids hug me so close, and love me no matter what. This love that they have is so pure and true. If only I could learn how to love like this again, and forget judgements and prejudices.

I am finally getting back on top of my house from school. Ridiculous I know. I graduated the end of July (6 freakin' months ago, how did that happen, already?), we went camping and to Portland, Oregon the next week/week-end. Then we came home and I slept. I slept, and held my kids, and detoxed from the stress of the last year or two. I had physical pain in my shoulders from the constant weight of stress on me. I recouped. We had many, many pajama days during my 6 weeks off. I escaped my house as much as possible. Any distraction was good, shopping, hangin' with the family, etc. Anything I could do minus working at home. (You would think with all the work I have done at school, it would be an easy transition back to normal life. But I wanted mind-numbing activities. Anything where I didn't have to think.) We went to Hawaii for a week (but we were gone for closer to 2) the end of August beginning of Sept. Believe you me, I thoroughly enjoyed this month and a half off with my beautiful children, and my husband. This was time well spent. Then I started working Sept 12th and I was putting in full-time hours training into my new job. Coleman left the 5th(ish) for his internship in Montana. That was yet another crazy couple of months. But let me also tell you, working and school are VERY different. For one thing, there is a paycheck involved which makes it very easy to continue showing up for, and the level of stress at home is minimal, not like school.

Coleman was gone, I was home. I have my 2 kids, and my job now. 3 (12 hour shifts) per week. Man, that is a lot of hours for a kid... those days are SOOOO long. Usually by my second or third on, my kids would be so starved for my attention they cry and whine and throw fits just so I will hold them, or look at them, or kiss them, or whatever. I trained at work, Coleman interned in Great Falls, and everyone was, once again, left watching my sweet babies. They are great kids, at least I think so... but this was not that easy. (Not that hard, I learned from school, but also not that easy.) Coleman would often come home on the week-ends, which made this bearable, but it is hard to be apart. Just not the way my life is supposed to be.

November rolled around, and Coleman kicked it up a notch, and spent extra hours, and finally finished his internship a few days before Thanksgiving. I have never been so happy to see another human, than when he came home :).

Thaksgiving we spent at Grandma GG's with Rob, Leesa and Eric, and Dad and Kristine. It was nice to have everyone together, although that is only half the fam. We learned a physiology lesson that day, when after dinner, the kids stuck little Presley in one of Grandma's beautiful pink chairs and spun her super fast... To everyone's dismay and humor, she totally blew chunks. :) It was only on her clothes though, So we just pulled her sweater off, and she was fine.

I was "done" training on November 18th, but still pulled full time hours through the bulk of the end of the year. That is, in fact, the busy season for Post Partum, partly because we recover post-op GYN surgeries as well, and everyone is trying to get in while their deductible is paid... Not to mention that it was Christmas time, so we were crazy busy getting gifts together... we finally bagged it and did gift cards for most of the family this year. :) It was good to even get a tree up this year. Seriously it was beautiful, but it was all that we got out for Christmas. Lucky for me, I still had my Christmas icicle lights from last year on the house, and the colored lights on the tree outside... So the house looked more festive than it should have.

Christmas was amazing. My kids are SO fun! They loved Santa, they loved spending so much time with family. They basically loved everything about the holidays. (Even now my kids keep saying "Mom, It's Christmas! Let's go see what Santa brought!" -- "Sorry, but today isn't Christmas...Santa doesn't come today" which they are usually joking, but when they are not is usually returned with shining eyes, and a big bottom lip.) About 10 days before Christmas I started getting on top of my house more and more... I cannot stomach the thought of spending Christmas morning in a house that is anything less than immaculate. :) So I got a lot done.

For the last month it has been - day off - (1 step forward), - work a day - (2 steps back). So finally I came home last week to boxes in the living room of tree decorations, a naked tree, a million dishes/toys/pieces of garbage/etc. EVERYWHERE. I nearly had a meltdown. My poor kids, who are happy in spite of the mess, saw their mom at my worst. I totally freaked out. (I realize when I take things out on others, or I am judgemental or critical, I have come to find that is usually because of my OWN insecurities. It is my own weakness that brings out the worst in me, and causes me to point the finger of blame at those I love most. This is what I am working on right now.) The next morning, I did something about it... and for the last few days (since I haven't worked for 4 now) I have been able to get on top of a lot of it... my bedroom still needs work/new carpet/dejunked... But we moved out a 6 foot box worth of crapola (+some) to the DI. I feel like a whole new woman now. The living room, kitchen, family room, and kids rooms are looking great! YAY! Even our basement we dejunked a lot of stuff. It feels so good to get rid of the clutter and the mess. I feel such a load off! I also realize in doing this we are teaching our kids to keep the house clean. They can help, and have chores, but just seeing the way we choose to live will hopefully help motivate them to want the same.

The gunny sack stealing kids toys is a great way to motivate them... they want to hold onto their toys, and knowing the gunny sack will take them if they are not put away helps them... poor babies... They have had many conversations about said gunny sack, that usually go something like this:
Cash - "Pres, you better pick up those legos, or the gunny sack will take them."
- "The gunny sack? Oh no, I not want him to get my toys."
- "Yes Pres, the gunny sack can come at night or in the day."
- "The gunny sack is scary."

One of these days my husband is going to come home from work, and my bedroom is going to be immaculate... and maybe the bathrooms and basement will be a new color. I just feel like my old life is coming back. Slowly, but surely. I used to be good at everything, or at least my kids, and keeping my house clean. I put off my house for so long in school, it's like i have had to retrain myself on how to even clean. Coleman used to come home from work, and the kitchen was painted, or some heavy furniture was rearranged all by myself. (Uuuhhh, did I get the right house?) He used to come home, and I would have sewed some major project all day, and have accomplished things. Lately it seems like on my days off, he comes home, and I have been laying in bed with my kids all day watching movies in my pajamas. I like both ends of the spectrum, but I am glad to be finding me again. This is me, I like to be busy, I like getting things accomplished, I love making things, painting things, and sewing things. I love working out, and getting ready early, and getting a lot of errands (that actually matter, not just time wasters) done. I love going places, and seeing things, and having new experiences. Also, I really do love my job. I think I am good at what I do, because I love it. I just have to find the right balance in my life. All things in moderation. I feel that I am my best self when I am doing these things. I feel like I am a better mom and wife, the only two things I ever (and always) want to be. I always want to be my best self... EVERY DAY can be a better day, a more accomplished day.

But an occasional pajama days is okay too!

SO.... What are you going to change today?

P.S. - funny conversation of the day:

Cash - "Mom, look at this lego guy."
- "Why, Cash? Is he attractive?"
- "No, Mom, he's not a tractor."

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